The 10 Greatest Gifts I Gave My Children

Parenting from the Heart

By Steven Vannoy

 

The Gift of Conscious Choice

 

 

It’s hard to believe this blog completes our conversation on Steven Vannoy’s book, “The 10 Greatest Gifts I Gave My Children”.  I hope you’ve gathered some useful information along the way from this book study. As always, our job is to share with you information from reliable resources and let you take things from there.

 

This is the perfect closing chapter for our blog series. Hopefully, you’ve read or learned some things regarding parenting that has inspired you to think about the things you’re doing well or maybe nudged you to reevaluate how you’ve done some things in the past that maybe leave you with an uneasy feeling after the fact. So that leads us to…...

What Now and What’s Next?

After participating in this book study, we hope you feel empowered to go against the grain when you know doing something “that everyone else is doing” isn’t what’s best for your child. It’s so hard.  But if you want to raise incredibly independent, resilient, and confident children, sometimes you have to take the harder, windier road. Keeping your focus on your “end in mind” for growing children into healthy and successful adults sure helps!

Conscious choice. It really just narrows down to, when “life” is happening to you, how do you respond when faced with hard decisions, especially if you’re feeling pushed? Honestly, I think we all cave sometimes on maybe doing what’s expected of us, going with the pack, and oh no, here it comes….do it because it’s just easier (ok, now we’ve got that one out of the way, whew!). What guides your conscious choices on the things that matter to you and your family? It’s easy to say “yes” when it’s the right thing to do, but how do you handle saying “no” when it’s not?  Do you think ahead and have the words prepared to politely decline to do something you know isn’t best for your child or family?

For me, having the “words” ready when uncomfortable situations presented themselves was a game changer. I had my “conscious choice” aha moment when I had agreed to make dinner for a not-so-close friend (food train) that I clearly DID NOT have time to make. Instead of the words screaming from my brain, no, no, and no, I heard my mouth say, “Absolutely, I can do that!” Who was that person that just promised to do that? So fast forward. I went to the store, bought the wonderful items for the most delicious dinner I could make (I wasn’t much of a cook back then-lol), prepared the dinner, and then drove my three children (who were all still in car seats) and delivered this labor of not-so-much love (in all honestly, was mostly resentfulness) to the nicest and sweetest family (who were very, very grateful). And then, if that wasn’t enough, I didn’t think far ahead enough to make dinner for my family. Since my husband was out of town, I took the kids for a “special treat” and ran through fast food drive-through for our dinner. I am going to guess since we didn’t eat much fast food, this was way more fun than the dinner I had prepared, but well…. you get the point.

I had made a conscious choice to spend the time I didn’t have with another family at the expense of not making sure my own family was fed. Geesh, did that ever mess with one’s mommy guilt? This calamity was most definitely a life-changing “experience” for me. I love helping others and will continue to do so whenever I can. But if helping others puts a hardship on those, I’m responsible for, and it’s a hard no.

Now, when I am asked to do something, I cannot do, I have the words. I just say, “I wish I could, but I can’t.” No other words are required or needed. See how easy that is (but so hard to do…it takes practice but does get much easier).

Next time you are faced with a conscious choice, be firm and true to yourself and do what’s right for your children, your family, and you. And guess what the best part is? You are teaching your children to be strong and confident and not “give away” time they don’t have. And remember that “end in mind” you have for raising awesome children? You‘re on your way!

Thanks for joining us on our unpacking of “The 10 Greatest Gifts I Gave My Children.”

 

 

See you soon, friends!