I struggle with the word discipline when using it in connection with children. I believe using the words redirecting and teaching are more descriptive of what children need from loving and nurturing parents to better understand the world around them. What do you think? In, The 5 Love Languages of Children, Dr. Chapman and Ross Campbell, write, “Discipline (redirection) involves the long and vigilant task of guiding a child from infancy to adulthood. The goal is that the child would reach a level of maturity that will allow him one day to function as a responsible adult in society. The purpose of discipline/redirection is to correct behaviors and help a child develop self-discipline/control.”
Generally, the behaviors parents are attempting to stop/change are normal emotions/wants we all have; children just go about expressing themselves in a more honest way. Remember the saying, “Out of the mouths of babes?” Most of us like to go first, don’t want to wait patiently, and would love to express our feelings in painfully honest ways, but that probably wouldn’t serve us well as an adult. Knowing these are “human” challenges, how do we help our children learn how to manage their feelings and ask for what they want appropriately?
The authors state there are many “clashing theories” and often contradictory advice from the experts surrounding the topic of redirection, which only adds to parents’ confusion about what exactly is the best way to redirect behaviors. Differing advice, knowing children are all unique and special, and one size doesn’t fit all, leaves many parents unsure of how to stop/change unwanted behaviors. Here’s where The 5 Love Languages of Children steps in to help. First, a quick love language check-up. Is your child’s love tank full? Is your child feeling loved unconditionally? Does your child feel connected to you? If you can answer yes to these questions, you’re already on your way to effectively redirecting your child’s behavior.
A child’s temperament and personality play a major role in how we redirect behaviors. Some children respond well to just gentle verbal reminders. Other children need a more direct positive reminder, and some children need to pause and take a break for a few minutes. You know your child better than anyone else; rely on your parenting instincts to guide you in your approach. On some days, one approach may work perfectly, and on other days, you may find yourself using all three approaches. Growing up is hard work and sometimes behaviors just happen.
Parenting is peppered with lots of ups and downs. Some days, you feel like you’ve “got this,” and other days, not so much. That’s life as a parent! If things are going well with your child, and you’re able to help your child redirect his behaviors, Yay! for everyone! But if things are going a bit bumpy, give yourself a break; some days just go that way ….
You can handle this! But if you need some parenting support (or just want to share how great things are going), let us know, before5 is here for you.
