Parenting from the Heart

By Steven Vannoy

Chapter One- Forward Focus

Steven Vannoy writes in chapter one, “Sometimes I wonder about certain drivers I see hurling down the highway. While they appear to be looking ahead, they were actually driving by looking in the rearview mirror. We only have a certain amount of energy, time, and potential use of each day. Only we can choose where to focus it. And while at times it may look as if we’re moving forward, most of us are really aiming backward.” Does this strike a chord with you? Sound familiar? Do you find focusing forward leads to handling life more successfully? Your children are listening and watching you as you navigate life. What are you modeling to them?

 Life is rarely smooth sailing. When problems crop up, how do you look at a challenging situation? Are you overwhelmed by it, or do you view a problem as an opportunity to improve on something that probably wasn’t working anyway? Imagine when your child comes to you with a pressing problem, and you reframe the problem in a different light, one that encourages your child to see it as a chance to overcome a challenge instead of viewing it negatively.

William Shakespeare, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Forward Focus Positive Thinking Leads to Increased……

-Optimism, children learn not to stay stuck on what’s wrong or can’t be done and instead stay focused on what’s working and what can be done.

-Problem solving, as children look for solutions rather than focus on the problem.

-Creativity, joyful attitudes, and self-confidence (children feel more successful when they’ve solved a problem).

Vannoy encourages parents to ask children questions that evoke thoughtful responses. Questions like, What’s the best thing that happened to you today? What did you do better today than you’ve ever done before? Questions like these inspire children to think more about what is going well and shift their thinking to a more optimistic forward focus leading to more successful outcomes. 

Vannoy’s “take” on reframing problems as opportunities and moving through life focusing on what can be done instead of what can’t sure makes good sense! I think he’s onto something.

See you next time…