Compassion is defined as “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” Steven Vannoy, the author of, The 10 Greatest Gifts I Gave My Children, takes it a step further and adds that it “means always to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, being considerate of their point of view whether or not you always agree with it.”
We are living in difficult times. Many families are suffering in our country, town, and neighborhood. And that doesn’t even begin to address what is happening globally; it’s heartbreaking and so hard to understand. And how does one even begin to explain it to a child (who is old enough to know what is going on in the world)?
If you’ve been reading my blogs, you might remember I mentioned in an earlier blog the Goldilocks and the 3 Bears’ approach to communicating with children as a tool to help find the right balance of messaging for children. Finding the “right amount” to say to your child is always child- specific. It’s not easy to find the delicate balance of ensuring your child isn’t overwhelmed by too much information or the feeling they don’t understand what’s going on because we may have trodden too lightly in our explanation. Following your child’s lead is the best approach followed by responding to your child’s questions. Your child’s responses and reactions help gauge if your messaging is on point.
Does compassion come easily for you? Does your heartbreak when hearing about someone going through a tough time? Or are you someone who typically steps back a bit and desires to see both sides of a situation? It doesn’t mean you’re not compassionate, but maybe a little more discriminating. Nothing is right or wrong here. Just different. Remember the saying, “different strokes for different folks?”
What is the lesson you want to teach your child about compassion? Maybe you get a free pass on this one with that kindhearted and sensitive child of yours, and no lesson is needed. But then again, maybe not. Does your child struggle with how to feel compassion/sympathy/empathy towards others? How do you teach that? By showing them/modeling it. Here’s something you might try for children who have difficulty feeling these big feelings for others. Draw your child’s feelings back to when they were in a similar situation with their own emotions. Maybe try saying something along these lines, “Remember you told me you felt sad and a little mad when your friends left you out when everyone was supposed to be playing together. Do you think your friend feels the same way now as you did when it happened to you? Can you find a way to help your friend feel better and not so sad?”
Observe. Identify. Act.
Self-discovery is the most effective way for all of us to learn; it’s what has staying power. Empowering your child to find ways within himself to understand better what it means to be compassionate is truly essential for raising good humans.
Teaching children about compassion in a world that doesn’t always model it is challenging. But when you see your child’s compassion in action, you will know you are helping to make the world a better place for others. Your child’s early experiences learning to be compassionate towards others will carry over into adulthood. And you will have played a part in helping your corner of the world, be kinder! Thank you in advance.
See you next time!
