Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell make some interesting points in their book, The Love Languages of Children about Love Language #4, Gifts. “The giving and receiving of gifts can be a powerful expression of love, at the time they are given and often extending into later years. The most meaningful gifts become symbols of love, and those that truly convey love are part of a love language. Yet for parents to truly speak love language number four-gifts- the child must feel his parents genuinely care. For this reason, the other love languages must be given along with a gift. The child’s emotional love tank needs to be kept filled for the gift to express heartfelt love.”

Of all the love languages, I think gifts is the most complicated one to balance and apply. The authors share with us in chapter 5, gifts must be combined with another love language, so not to be misinterpreted by a child that the gift it is an expression of conditional love (birthday and special holiday gifts get a pass on this). Gifts can be an easy way to express your feelings towards your child, but if the gift is the only love language your child is receiving from you, it could be sending the wrong message.

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I’ve been waiting patiently to write about this love language, well, maybe not so patiently…. In Gary Chapman’s and Ross Campbell’s The 5 Love Languages of Children, I think the authors beautifully articulate the purpose of acts of service. The authors write, “The ultimate purpose of acts of service to children is to help them emerge as mature adults who are able to give love to others through acts of service. This includes not only being helpful to cherished loved ones but also serving persons who are in no way able to return or repay the kindness.” 

Sometimes, the acts parents do for their children daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly, seem to go unnoticed. When parents feel like their efforts of genuine love expressed through their acts of service go unappreciated, attitudes can teeter towards going into the  resentful camp. Chapman and Campbell warn their readers about keeping attitudes in check because when we become less than positive, children will feel these acts are not an expression of love. The authors tell us, when parents care for their children with a spirit of resentment and bitterness, a child’s physical needs may be met, but their emotional development can be greatly hampered.

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